Alexandra Duncan

Science Fiction. Fantasy. Feminism.

THE MARRIAGE CONSPIRACY, OR WHY I WANT THE STATE TO LET MY GAY FRIENDS TIE THE KNOT

I don't know if you were aware of this, but we married people are all involved in a vast conspiracy to get our single friends either married or paired up in long-term relationships. This is because, once you've been in a relationship for a long time, a mysterious gravitational shift occurs and you find yourself hanging out almost exclusively with other couples. Some primeval part of your brain knows that if you want to keep hanging out with your single friends, you're going to have to find significant others for them, STAT.

Of course, the part of this we'll publicly admit to is that marriage is pretty awesome when you're with the right person. You know someone will come for you if you're sick or your car breaks down on the side of the road. You have someone to stay by your side and keep you from getting nervous at holiday parties, or to confide in when your family starts to drive you crazy. You have someone to act as a sounding board for your ideas, and you get to return the favor. You get to see your best friend in the world at the end of every day.

But underneath that desire to share our happiness with our friends is the same underlying selfish motive: we want other couples to hang out with.

And that is why all we straight, married people should support marriage equality for our gay and lesbian friends, or at the very least, a legally recognized domestic partnership that gives gay couples the basic legal support marriage provides: hospital visitation rights, the ability to carry one's partner on a health insurance plan, legal recognition in the event of a partner's death.

Think how our marriage conspiracy would grow if we could only involve our gay friends more deeply! Think of the dinner dates! The attendance at New Year's parties! It's really in our own selfish interest to make sure as many people feel happy and secure in their relationships as possible, which is why I encourage every married person out there who can legally do so to go out today and vote AGAINST North Carolina's Amendment 1, which would ban gay marriage, civil unions, and domestic partnerships in our state.

And single friends, you might as well go ahead and vote against it too, because WE ARE COMING FOR YOU. Resistance is futile.

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